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2 entries this month
Twilight Gangsta Rap! 12:27 Mar 30 2011
Times Read: 580
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Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or what has been Written on here, or the Jokes
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~~~~Twilight Gangsta Rap!~~~~
Bella:
Ok, so what, my name is Bella and I come from Phoenix
My sob story’s so sad that your gonna need a Kleenex
My parents broke up, they livin’ far apart
My mom’s cool, my dad is weird, yeah he’s such an old fart
So I’m movin into this little queer town called Forks
When I get there I’m like ‘Well all these peeps are a bunch of dorks’
So I see this guys who’s hot, but he doesn’t date,
Then I notice something weird: There’s nothing on his plate
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Chorus:
And I’m just like ‘This Guy is hot’
Maybe he’s something everyone is not
And I’m just like ‘This Guy’s so cute’
Maybe he’s not your average beaut
So I go in to Bioligy and I sit by him
I think that fate’s going to far out on a limb
Sayin’ there’s something different bout’ him’s not a lie
You can see that he is awkward by that look in his eye
So I talk to him a bit and find he’s really cool
Got such a hot boyfriend, can’t pay attention in school
I hear something and find that Jacob Black is not a liar
My boyfriend Edward, all the Cullens ,yeah, they’re all vampires
He don’t eat, he sucks blood
He says I should be scared but I still think he’s a stud
He’s real fast, looks pretty in the sun
You can’t take him away cause he’s my honeybun
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Edward Intro:
E to the D, W, A, R to the D
And ain’t No other vampire put it down like me
I’m Edwardlicious, Yeah I know I’m Hot
Your so delicious, uh-uh-uh-uh Hold up!
Check me out!
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(Edward does some weird ‘vampire’ dancing.)
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Edward:
So I got two bros, yeah, Emmett and Jasper
Yeah Jasper rhymes with the friendly ghost called Casper
Yeah that show was funny
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Bella:
Edward, you’re getting off the point a bit) Ok, Bella honey
So Bella and I we had a date at Angeles the Port
And she watched my family play baseball, an American sport
And then Alice sees something with her precognitions
She says ‘Edward, hurry up, put the car in ignition!’
So there’s this dude after Bella named James
Yeah compared us his name is lame
He thinks running after Bella is a game
And unlike us, this sucker isn’t at all tame
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Bella:
So I got right outta town, knocked down Charlie’s door
Sayin ‘Charlie, I ain’t dealin’ with your crap no more!’
So in the end Edward saves me and he sucks my blood
You still thinkin’ this story is such a dud?
Say, what time is it, Edward?
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Edward:
Twilight
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Bella:
Yeah, what time is it Edward?
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Edward:
Twilight
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Bella:
Dude, these vampires are gangsta!
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Edward:
Yeah, my name’s gangsta!
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Bella & Edward:
Yeah, da book’s gangsta!
Yeah, Twilight’s gangsta!
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Twilight gangsta rap!
Caius Vs the Werewolf 12:10 Mar 30 2011
Times Read: 583
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Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or what has been Written on here
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~~~Caius Vs the Werewolf ~~~
They were in central Russia hunting werewolves. Only for sport though, they wouldn’t drink, they would not taint their perfect pure bodies with the blood of those beasts. Even if they did choose to demean themselves by feasting on the wolves’ carcasses the experience would not be pleasurable, the blood would burn their throats like poison as it slipped down. Caius listened, he and the others were each about ten miles apart in the massive black pine forest the size of a small island. He moved like lightning without a sound through the thick trees and finally came to a clearing. A break in the trees which allowed the grey light of what was left of the day and the powdery snow hit the ground. He stopped and inhaled, smelling a thousand smells until he found the one he wanted. Putrid, rancid, a sharp smell that was heading his way at an unbelievable speed. It slowed, no doubt catching his scent. His scent, sweeter than flowers and honey, probably smelt just as offensive to the creature as the creature’s did to him. His impeccable hearing picked up a noise on the fringe of the trees that would have been inaudible to human ears, a shuffle and a twig snapping. Caius’ crimson eyes swept the trees until he found a dark shape crouching among them. The black shadow was so well hidden that the only things what were clearly visible were the beast’s eyes, two huge amber orbs staring at him, unblinking. The creature let out a low rumbling growl and stepped forward into the light of the clearing.
The wolf was massive, as big as a bear with broad shoulders and coarse black fur as dark as the velvet night. It snarled, its top lip curling up to show a row of white teeth. Caius smirked, revealing his own teeth, twice as white and twice as deadly. They sat in his mouth, a row of shining ivory razor blades. The beast padded its way around the clearing, encircling him. Caius undid the black cloak that was tied around his shoulders and slung it behind him, never once taking his eyes off the wolf. He stood in the centre of the clearing bare-chested. His skin was as white as the snow which fluttered around him and just as cold. Stone cold, stone hard. His white-blonde hair was a little darker and not as long as he would allow it to become in the future. He crouched down ready to attack, the creature mirrored him. They paused, red eyes met amber then, at the exact moment they pounced, both emitting a roar as they did so.
They were airborne, flying through the air at one another then clashing in the middle. A sound like two boulders smashing into one another sprang forth, causing the birds in the nearby trees to take flight, terrified, screeching. Caius felt the wolf’s skin press against his, red hot and burning. They wrestled violently, each trying to throw the other to the floor but where Caius lacked in size he made up for in strength, he threw the wolf with all his might back against a nearby tree. The tree cracked and shuddered, wood splinters flying through the air. The beast yelped for a moment but was on its feet again in a second, snapping and snarling. It threw itself at Caius and pushed him to the ground. Caius felt the wolf’s tonne weight pressing down on his chest, he felt the beast’s hot breath on his face and smelt it’s sharp putrid sweat. It bared it’s teeth ready to rip him, to tear him to shreds and kill him in the only way there was to kill a vampire.
Aro’s head suddenly appeared behind the wolf, his long black hair hung over its shoulder. In a second, his pale hands were around its thick neck, hauling it off Caius with all his might. Caius heard a snap and the creature fell to the floor lifeless. Aro stood above him, his scarlet eyes shining with the thrill of the hunt and kill.
“You should be more careful, Caius.” he said critically, offering a hand to help Caius to his feet. Caius did not need it, he ignored it and was on his feet in the blink of an eye.
“I could cope perfectly well on my own.” he said bitterly.
“Yes, it looked like it.” Aro said sarcastically.
“You stole my kill, my prize.” Caius snapped, poking Aro in the chest with is bony finger. Aro took a step back.
“I heard you struggling and came to help. Do not be ashamed Caius, it is a large and powerful beast, one of the older more experienced ones. It has fought our kind before and would not be easily beaten.” Aro said, calmly ignoring the finger that was jabbing in his chest with no effect.
“I did not need your help!” Caius screeched, practically shoving his finger up Aro’s nose. Aro took another step back.
“Very well Caius. Let us forget this ever occurred. Like I said before, in future you should be more careful for I will not be coming to your aid again.” and with that he turned and disappeared so swiftly and lightly that the snow that had begun to lie heavily on the ground was not even disturbed.
Caius stood alone in the clearing, shaking, seething with anger. The scalding heat of rage would have beat through his veins like poison had he a heartbeat and blood of his own. It seeped in daggers from his eyes and oozed from every pore in his body. He glanced down at the creature at his feet, sill, unmoving, its tongue lolling stupidly from its mouth. For a moment he stood watching the snow settle in its course wiry fur, then with a howl of rage he kicked out at its chest. He heard a rib crack. “Useless mongrel. Disgusting mutt!” he thought to himself. How dare it? How dare it make him look a weakling and a fool!? He turned and walked out of the clearing, picking up his cloak and throwing it over his shoulders as he went. He ran back to the castle they had temporarily inhabited, his black cloak swirling and whipping around him as he moved.
The others were not back yet, still enjoying the hunt. He sat in the carved dark wood chair by the fire and gazed into the flames. He hatched a plan, schemed a scheme, and by the time the others had returned with the guard he had returned to his usual pompous self. He stood and announced that he had something to say, the room fell silent, everyone waited with bated breath.
“I have decided,” he said, “that we cannot continue to allow the werewolves to rule the East. The endless havoc they cause is threatening to reveal to the mortals the truth, that the stories they whisper around campfires and dinner tables are not simply old wives’ tales, they are true-at least to some extent. And you know what will happen if the werewolves are confirmed to be real don’t you? Our existence will be confirmed also and we cannot allow that to happen can we?” The room was silent for a moment then everyone smiled, agreeing. All except Aro and Marcus. Aro raised his eyebrows and considered that by intervening in the fight he had actually damaged Caius’ pride more than he thought but he did not say anything. Marcus simply looked bored as usual.
“Bravo, Caius, darling!” Athenodora trilled, reaching out to stroke his cheek affectionately. Caius smiled, pleased with himself and turned to the guard who stood grinning in anticipation of continuing the hunt which they loved so.
“We will start tomorrow.” Caius said, “And make the filthy half-breeds disappear once and for all!” That night they celebrated Caius’ genius and the next day they began the quest which would push the race of the werewolf into near extinction in Asia.
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COMMENTS
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AzriellaRipley
09:36 Apr 02 2011
That soooo made me laugh that was cool :p
Aja
11:06 Apr 02 2011
I'm happy you like it. :-)
charmedwolf
00:33 Apr 10 2011
thats pretty cool got a laugh outta me too :-)